My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
