fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
