You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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