wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
