He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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