the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
