can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
