We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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