I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
