...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
