No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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