i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
