i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize