I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
