There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
