omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
