Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
