I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
