He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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