yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
