I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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