ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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