So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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