Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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