I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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