then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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