How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
