Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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