so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
