burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
