I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
