so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They have beer where we have blood.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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