Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
