she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
