my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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