can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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