i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Randomize
