new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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