he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
