Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
