you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
