i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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