So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
