Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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