my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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