Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
