This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
