Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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