The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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