I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
