i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He has the fingertips of a God
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