He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
