Please, let me fuck your mom
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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