i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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