I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
