does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
