please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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