He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
