how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
