So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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