Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
