my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
