): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
