I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
