well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
