If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
