I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
