my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
