How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
