WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
