Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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