Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
