Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
