Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
